Expressing Joy

I found a quote this week from a lady named Shauna Niequist, the author of "Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life". In this book she says, "I want my everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift." Ever since reading this I have wondered the last time I made God laugh. When was the last time I gave God a good reason to belly laugh, to be glad that he gave me life? All to often we take life, we take our Christianity so seriously that we forget to actually live, we forget to celebrate the gift of life that God gave us. We claim to be children of joy but we forget to tell our faces that it's okay to show it. So that is my goal this next week; to give God a good reason to laugh, even if its at me. I want to celebrate life and express the joy that only God can give to His children.

Peace

This Sunday for advent is the subject of peace. As I am trying to prepare for it I have thrown out my sermon twice and am finding that I am having a lack of peace. We talked about all that is happening with me emotionally during a Bible Study and it is believe that God has something for me through all of this if I will simply trust in Him, let my guard down, and seek God's help. I don't know what is keeping me from doing just that, maybe it is fear of the unknown, or the lack of control that I would have. I believe that this Sunday we may find out as I may be preaching without notes. So may God work through me this week, through my weakness, through my struggles, and through my lack of peace.

pushing through sickness

This past week I had the experience of going to Haviland to search for an intern to work with our youth group. As I prayed about this I was hoping for one or two, worrying that there would be no one to talk to me about it. But to my surprise God blessed me with eight names who are interested. Then on the way home I did get sick and now am trying to push through to get the things done that need to be done by Sunday. The life of ministry, from one extreme to another but always in the company of Christ.

Emotions

As I have been reading emotionally healthy churches I have done a lot of thinking about my own emotions, my depression and my family life. I wonder if am emotionally sensitive as a pastor, do I share my personal experience with everyone, do I keep it to my family and a few leaders. I just don't know where God is moving me but I want to be obedient to him and serve out of my emotion in a healthy way. So what risks do I take? How will God show me? For that is the question this day.

Pressing On

As we continue on in this Masters process I am finding the business of life is making ti increasingly difficult to keep on track with everything. I know for certain that my journaling has suffered more than anything else. So I continue on looking to keep up with the demands of life as well as that of school. Today I am trying to get started on my final paper for Matt and I am having difficulty on knowing what to write about. There are a few different things that are possibilities, but I am not sure on any of them. So here I am praying for direction and hoping for grace.

Accountability

This last chapter in "The Good and Beautiful Community" encouraged finding an accountability partner. Fortunately for me this is something that I already have in place with another pastor. I am finding that this accountability relationship is a great way for me to keep my spiritual life in check as well as my physical actions and I am able to help my partner as well. Accountability is something that I believe a lot more people need to willingly subject themselves to in order to grow closer to the Lord as an individual and a community. What a blessing from God!!!

Growing

This past week I went to the doctor to talk about the depression that I have been experiencing. So he put me on a prescription and basically told me to do what I would tell someone else to do in the same situation. He told me to take some time off (Colorado here I come), to rest, to read my Bible, to take care of myself, basically to do all that I know I should be doing but havn't taken the time to do. As I look at the Good and Beautiful Community and the topic of forgiveness I realize that I need to forgive myself as well as others. I need to hold realistic expectations for myself and not beat myself up over things out of my control. I also need to find someone that I feel comfortable sharing what is on my heart with, besides Kim. I don't want my burdens to burden her also. God is doing some work on me and I look forward to seeing what that turns out to be.

Learning To Love

As I write this I think about the past four years of ministry and realize that I have forgotten how to love God's people. I have somehow allowed myself to tolerate others, and put up with others, and even minister to others without love. I know this is the greatest way we can show Christ to the world around us, yet I have forgotten how to do it. From my family to the church to the community, all need to feel the love of Christ in and through me. So I come back to the basics and seek to love as Christ loves the church. What more can I do?

Serving

Omce again I find myself forgetting to do my journals. But last week I read chapter three of "The Good and Beautiful Community" and found it talking about being a part of a giving community. I think this was a great reminder to think of others first. Our culture seems to often be self-serving rather than looking to others needs, even the culture within the walls of the church. But serving others or being others focused is one of the easiest ways to share Jesus witht the world. How I hope and pray that this will be something I can teach myself, my family, and the church around me.

Witnessing

After looking at chapter two I really appreciated the step by step instructions for witnessing. As I eave today to visit some family who are not Christians I am praying for an open door to witness and hopefully lead them to Christ.

Here we go again

As I come to an end of week one I am realizing that I have never thought so hard about our culture. At the same time as I think about "The Good and Beautiful Community" and the challenge to do four things for others this week I realize that I already do a lot of that. It is common for me to hold a door for someone else or to pick up plates for others after a meal. But maybe I need to be even more intentional in good deeds. We talked about what is a new way to minister, and the answer may be to simply love people and preach Jesus. Maybe it we are faithful in that our culture would change for the better.

I have just finished every requirement for this first year of the MATL-SF. It is hard to believe that one year has come to an end and I only have one more to go. But I know that the work has not ended as I still have to work on my capstone project over the summer. But I have to admit that it feels good to have gone this far. So I pray for blessings on Dave and others who are getting ready for next year. I look forward to all that there is to learn and anticipate growing greatly as I must be transformed myself in order to help lead others into transformation.

As I have been preparing for class tonight and thinking about my own facade I think of the false self that I tend to portray. That self that I want others to see rather than the real me. I guess it goes back to everyone wanting to be liked, or maybe how I see myself being different than my family but still having desires to be the same as what they were at my age. For some reason God had called me to be in ministry, He has called me to be a pastor, a parent, and a spouse. May I one day fully commit to each of these in such a way that I will bless those around me and learn to be who God has created me to be without any need of a facade.

As I have gone through this week and reading from Smith I have found that possessions have been a trap for me in the past, but I wouldn't say so much today. What seems hard for me now is when I get frustrated with people or with people's antics and my mind just wants to shut down and tune everyone out. Fortunately this hasn't happened in the church but it has with my Master's class. I know that it is really all me, my attitude, my frustrations, my problem. So for now I just put up with myself and continue on in this journey called life.

4-9-12

As I continue in reading "the Good and Beautiful Life" I have come to a part in dealing with vain-glory. This sin is one that seems to be a problem for people stuck on themselves in a worldy way and those who are so spiritual that they find joy in just how more spiritual they are than others may be. So it really gets to the question, "What is our motivation for what we do?" Their suggested exercise is to do five things this week for someone else but trying not to let them know. For example helping kids with their homework, washing someones car, opening the door for someone, and more. I like this exercise and hope that it will become more of a habit than a trial.

3-27-12

In the reading this week from "The Good and Beautiful Life" we have been challenged to pray for those who are our competitors. At first I couldn't think of anyone, but then Smith said if we are a pastor to pray for the church that we may see as a competitor. Within Salem there are only two churches, the Friends and the Congregational. The Congregational pastor has expressed some views that lead me to believe he doesn't want anything to do with the Friends, thus I know I need to be praying for him, my competitor. I don't really like thinking of him in that way, I don't believe we are here to compete with each other, so as I pray for him I will be praying for both of our churches to be making a positive difference in the Salem community.

2-23-2012

As we prepare for face2face and again look to the blessing I am compelled to think about how I have or have not blessed my own children and family. It also has me thinking about the importance for blessing others within the walls of the church. This is a fresh concept that I believe is very timely in my ministry and I am looking forward to seeing how it impacts those around me. What a blessing it is to bless others with the love of the Lord as He has blessed me.

2-14-2012

As I continue to read "The Good And Beautiful LIfe" along with other readings that I am doing I can't help but come to the conclusion that so much of our life revolves around loving others more than ourselves. I think of Philippians 2 and Paul's words to think of others better than ourselves and again it comes to, "Do we love those around us more than ourselves?" Is that part of the reason so many men struggle with pornography, due to them loving themselves above everything and everyone else. Does our sin come from self gratification over serving others. today is Valentines Day and here we have an intentional time to love others. If we go into this day expecting to be loved than again our pride separates us from loving others as God intended. So again we are faced with the choice to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Or I guess we could say above ourselves.

2-7-2012

Yesterday I sat down and read my chapter from "The Good And Beautiful Life."
I have to admit that just before reading it I had gotten upset, or angry by a stupid commercial on TV. Then I went to read the chapter and it was all about why we get angry. Now I don't know if I was really angry or if I was just frustrated, or really if there is a difference. What I do know is that I do struggle to let go of control. I do struggle when my day doesn't go as i have planned it. I do struggle when life inserts interruptions without my consent. So I reflect on the fact that I need to leave margins in my life for those unexpected moments. I need to take Sabbath rest seriously and keep myself charged up. And I need to spend more time with God, reading His word, and praying more as He is the true source of the peace that I need.

2-2-2012

Last time I blogged I was in a sort of funk and realy had a bad attitude. I am happy to say that has seemed to pass. Recently I have found an accountability partner who so far I realy relate to well. Talking to Dave has helped me see and be reminded of the need for rest. And things at the church seem to be going in a positive direction. In fact, tomorrow we will have our first leadership retreat here at the church with the topic of outreach on the table. I am excited of the possibilities that God may bring out of these two days.
As of this morning, to add to the blessings, I have lost 27 pounds since our last face 2 face in Colorado. I am hoping to be down at least 30 by the end of the month. I was able to put a pair of jeans on today that I hadn't been able to in months and that felt really good.

So I am praising God for his faithfulness to me as I strive in my faithfulness to Him.

1-24-2012

It is a new year and a new start to the second semester of the MATL program. I have to admit that I am struggling to get going with this. My attitude is bad and my motivation is lacking. The Richard Foster book, "Streams Of Living Water" is really boring me and I am struggling to get much out of it. On top of it all is that I know this is all me. I am sure the book is fine, I know the classes will be good, and I know that I need to hear all that is being talked about, but the fact remains that I am the problem in all of this. My family is very supportive, the church is helping all they can, but I continue to struggle. So I am praying for God to help me, for God to change my attitude, for God to change me. Maybe what I am realizing is that the changes God is making within me are sometimes painful, slow, and very much needed and I am fighting it. So I really need to release everything to God. Mentally I know this but I struggle to obey. Please forgive me.